Michael has wanted to be a journalist ever since he found out that being Al Pacino was not a viable career path. Hence, since 2007, he has had to choose between bare-knuckled boxing and journalism as options for his future. As blood makes him woozy, journalism seemed like the obvious choice.

He is an optimist at heart and believes that the foulest mood can be healed by a cup of camomile tea and a viewing of Singing in the Rain.

He is sport-obsessed and motivated by a powerful drive to get the most out of his body. His sporting obsession is his way of making up for the tragic reduction in masculinity he suffered during his formative years; he was a member of the National Boys Choir (and yes, he was one of those Qantas singers – but you didn’t hear it from us).

Michael currently believes that he would make a good journalist because he is good at making up shit and not averse to the use of narcotics. He wants to make newshit.com.au reach a high-water mark in journalism – one that he believes hasn’t been achieved since the abolishment of Truth magazine.

An avid traveller (he backpacked Europe last year), Michael takes great pride in being able to say “your donkey is well-hung” in several different languages.