Traditionally soccer players are to the English language what George Columbaris is to polite eating etiquette. 

And with the unbelievable media concentration evident at the World Cup, it was only a matter of time before some interesting quotes emerged directly from the players mouths to the world press.

Quickly cruising through some of the news websites, particularly Skysports, I stumbled across some quotes that help us examine the unique and distinctive space that is the mind of the modern-day footballer. 

"I went for a 30 minute run on the beach with someone this morning and commented that the altitude wasn't really affecting me... until they pointed out we were on the beach."
-Former Welsh International and current Derby County captain, Robbie Savage

"I have not been back to Senegal since the age of ten, when I went to be circumcised - which was not a pleasant experience."
-French captain, Patrice Evra 

"Goals are like ketchup - when it comes out (of the bottle) it all comes out at once."
-Portugal superstar, Cristiano Ronaldo

"I am not afraid of anyone or anything - unless they are wearing a mask.
-Enigmatic Argentinean coach, Diego Maradona

Enlightening stuff... but how do these quotes stack up with some of football’s best from the past? 

"The minute's silence was immaculate, I have never heard a minute's silence like that."
-Glenn Hoddle

"I couldn't settle in Italy. It was like living in a foreign country."
-Ian Rush 

"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel."
-Stuart Pearce

“The Brazilians were South American; the Ukrainians will be more European.”
-Phil Neville 

“I was surprised, but I always say nothing surprises me in football.”
-Les Ferdinand 

"I never make predictions, and I never will."
-Paul Gascoigne

And my personal favourite... 

“Your daughter... big tits.”
-Gascoigne again... this time to Lazio (his new team) president, Sergio Cragnotti* 

It would be impossible for us to speak of memorable quotes from footballers without highlighting everyone’s favourite linguist, Mr. David Beckham. Here are three of his best...

"My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7."

"I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet."

“It was really difficult for us, playing in the midday sun with that three o'clock kick-off.” 

And flying the flag high for all Australians is our very own Mark Viduka with:

“I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league"

*Sourced from Gazza, My Story, Paul Gascoigne with Hunter Davies, Headline, LONDON, 2004, pp. 169

Finally deciding to honour his agreement with Newshit’s editor in chief, Craig Butt – contributor Tim Sleeth pulls himself away from the Johannesburg nightlife and gives his uniquely-irate thoughts on the World Cup.

Tim’s ramble:

When we told people we were heading to Africa for the World Cup some were concerned about the potential dangers and safety risks we would face. However, considering you’re more likely to be set upon by a violent gang of bloodthirsty youths on our public transportation network than attacked in Johannesburg, I haven’t yet seen what all the fuss is about. So far the closest I’ve come to peril has been amidst the enraged frenzies brought about by the ever-present and annoyingly incessant Vuvuzela (that gay trumpet thingy that they reckon is part of their football culture).

Well large-scale hooliganism is part of the British culture and the killjoys ended up banning that.

There has been a strange sense of camaraderie amongst our fellow Australians in South Africa. Maybe it’s the city’s beautifully unique rhythm - or possibly the large amount of easily-accessible Viagra floating around (no prescription needed!) - but people you would usually shun in the streets back home suddenly become your best mate and you find yourselves banding together to make disparaging comments to other nations - sheerly because they do not don the sacred green and gold. Nothing brings people together quite like the collective hatred and nationalism generated by sport. It’s as if face-paint and soccer creates a license for elitism.

The atmosphere has been amazing within the World Cup hub in Jo’burg, Watching the games - not just the Australian ones - has been a fantastic experience. We find ourselves cheering and embracing strangers at the prospect of every goal and then concurrently mourning in unison as those hopes are dashed – subsequently feeling embarrassed that we held someone we didn’t even know so tight.

And then hoping to God that that was a Vuvuzela in their pocket. 

Last two match-day results:

Chile defeated Honduras 1-0:
Without winning a World Cup game since 1962, Chile dominated the game yet struggled to solidify their dominance with multiple goals – scoring only once in the 34^th minute, courtesy of Jean Beausejour. Despite a tense final 15 minutes, the Chileans were able to hold on and break the 48 year hoodoo. 

Switzerland defeated Spain 1-0:
In this stunning upset, the European champions dominated possession but could not take advantage. Without the desired finishing touch, it was the Swiss that grabbed the lead in the 52^nd minute when ex-Man City midfielder Gelson Fernandez scrambled the ball into the back of the net. 

Uruguay defeated South Africa 3-0:
Diego Forlan bagged a brace (including a stunning first-half goal from outside the box) to inspire a classy Uruguay to overcome the host nation – damning South Africa to the bottom of their group. 

Argentina defeated South Korea 4-1:
While many of the other super-power national teams stutter to slow starts to the tournament, Argentina cemented themselves as World Cup contenders with an impressive win over the South Koreans. Real Madrid’s Gonzalo Higuain scored a stylish hat-trick but it was another elegant second-half performance from Lionel Messi that had the world’s journalists reaching for that little book of superlatives. 

Greece defeated Nigeria 2-1:
The Greeks came back from a goal down to keep their chances of progressing to the next round alive. After Nigeria’s Kalu Uche opener, Greece managed to fight back with goals to Salpingidis and Torosidis. 

Mexico defeated France 2-0:
Second half goals from Javier Hernandez and veteran Cuauhtemoc Blanco fuelled another upset win for the tournament. Deserved winners, the result put Mexico in a pole position – along with Uruguay – to progress to the second round... and leaving France’s hopes dwindling.