In light of Frank Lampard’s “stolen” goal in South Africa today, this column entry could have easily been an analysis on the necessity and feasibility of match-day technology and its effect on the refereeing of games.

But due to our intense rivalry with our nation’s mother-country and their opponent Germany’s superior display – why not just take a moment to bask in England’s collapse?

We all know that after our own struggles at this tournament, we do need some cheering up.

So let us investigate how England – a team that promised so much and, eight months ago, was even bordering on World Cup favouritism – could once again defy their promise and fail once more.

First we should set up the context of the situation. England was a team that, under Italian coach Fabio Capello, seemed a different squad than they had ever been previously.

With a sterling World Cup qualifying campaign under their belts, in which they showed they could both destroy teams and still manage gutsy wins whilst not at their best, England were marching towards South Africa.

The optimism of their supporters was excruciatingly clear.

The key to their success was the fantastic club form of their players. And in this was the key: that England - more than any other nation - had a multitude of players that could individually stand up, score a couple of valuable goals, and have their man-of-the-match performance inspire an English win.

Everything looked up. Success beckoned.

But then how could a country manage epic failure in just months from such a position?

It just took 12 steps...

1) Have your country’s captain get caught up in a scandalous affair with the former girlfriend of a fellow teammate and close friend, thus throwing his title into controversy and undermining the preparation of the entire national squad.

2) Have your entire nation place your young spearhead, Wayne Rooney – the most inform striker in the world – under the most intense pressure fathomable.

3) Then, when your nation’s former greats are interviewed, have them not take the focus away from one single player but instead reiterate the striker’s importance – further adding to the pressure.

4) Have a delivery of the controversial Jabulani balls go missing after signing off for them – subsequently meaning that your squad only experiences them for the first time in the month before the tournament’s commencement. This is in great contrast to the many other nations that have been utilizing the balls for months.

5) Decide to include veteran striker, Emile Heskey, in the English squad. Despite never being an immense scorer or international star (and not being in great club form this season), rationalize his inclusion with the reckoning that he has that essential skill of “holding up the ball.”

6) Then decide to start with this striker.

7) Also... have this striker accidently injure key defender and new captain Rio Ferdinand in training – thus ruling the Manchester United man out of the tournament.

8) After some disappointing results in your group stage, have talk of a player mutiny sweep the squad. Then allow the squad to showcase their disunity and poor form once again by failing to even carry out a revolt properly – can’t they do anything right?

9) Have the previously mentioned young spearhead take a verbal swipe at your fans for booing their insipid performances – thus further alienating support.

10) Have your key defensive general, John Terry, make such errors as attempting an unthinkable diving header to block a ball that was only travelling a couple of feet off the ground.

11) In your knock-out final against Germany, have Terry and central defensive partner, Matthew Upson, embarrassingly concede the first goal through an unforgivable “school-boy error” – thus bringing a bad name to schoolboys everywhere.

12) Continue to play out the match with a zealousness to get forward at set pieces, leaving your team susceptible on the counter attack as your two remaining defenders struggle to compete with the tide of German attackers.

And so it was through a 4-1 loss that England walked home with their tail well and truly between their legs.

Expect a venomous battering from the nation’s media – frustration is so high that one can almost picture the newspapers’ print being in blood.

So what about the Capello experiment?

Well, when the FA put Capello in charge of the national squad, they were banking on something different than England’s regular disappointing departures from significant tournaments.
And this goal was undeniably achieved.
This time they didn’t lose on penalties...

Other round of 16 results:

Argentina defeated Mexico 3-1:
The World Cup favourites continued their impressive run with a brace from Carlos Tevez and another strike from Gonzalo Higuain (his fourth goal of the tournament). They have now secured for themselves a mouth-watering quarterfinal clash with Germany.

Uruguay defeated South Korea 2-1:
Wouldn’t it be great to be Uruguayan attacker Luis Suarez at the moment? Not only has he had an exciting tournament so far... but he managed to score both his country’s goals and propel them into the final eight. Also a host of Europe’s biggest clubs are lining up a cashed-up transfer for the Ajax man.

Ghana defeated USA 2-1:
The day before Mick Jagger was watching England’s dismissal, he was supporting the USA amidst their exit. For the Americans, their undoing was an extra-time goal to Asamoah Gyan.
It is amazing to think that the team that a 10-man Australia should have won against is now in the final eight.