Release Date: TBA

Running Time: 88 Minutes

Classification: R 18+ (High Impact Horror Themes)

NewsHit Cinema Co-Editor Ben Plymin and Reviewer Glenn Leavold take a perilous glance at the film that’s been on the lips of every B-grade horror lover in existence: The Human Centipede.

Glenn:

Though its reputation for being an out-there film had in fact preceded itself, The Human Centipede was still an utterly disturbing piece of work. For those of you who haven’t heard about it yet: run away, run far, far away now!

Ben:

I second the motion.

Glenn:

O.K., so if you’re still here, take a moment to ponder the title. Now think about all the scientific explanations as to how this monster could come about. Got it? Now toss those out the window. This film offers no science, just depravity, which I guess is a good thing for a horror film that aims to disturb its audience and leave them with no hope.

The film opens with Dr. Heiter (Dieter Laser, the greatest name I’ve ever heard) sitting in his car by the side of a highway in Germany, looking God-damn creepy, stroking a picture of three Doberman dogs in formation in a straight line, ass-to-snout. A truck pulls up and its driver gets out with a wad of toilet paper, intent on taking a dump by the side of the road in the bush land. Heiter follows him pretty conspicuously with a rifle and shoots him with a tranquillizer while he’s squatting in the grass.

Ben:

Heiter then disappears from the screen for the moment and our innocent bimbos are introduced. Vacant No.1 (aka Lindsay) is played by Ashley C. Williams, who hasn’t acted since playing an extra in Ron Howard’s Willow, and Vacant No.2 (aka Jenny) played by Ashlynn Yennie, provide us with some torturous dialogue organizing a night out in Germany (where they are backpacking). After their car breaks down and they are lost in the woods (obviously the ultimate night life area) they do what everybody in a horror film of this stature does: they knock on the door of a beautiful house in the middle of nowhere in search of some help. Heiter then opens the door to his funhouse and the girls, plus another victim by the name of Katsuro (Akihiro Kitamura) become the guinea pigs for his latest experiment: A human centipede!

It was quite amazing how one dimensional writer/director Tom Six (Gay in Amsterdam) made the girl character’s, from the get go I simply couldn’t have cared less about what ended up happening to them. Even a glimpse of emotional sympathy could have created some tension in the later scenes. At least we didn’t have to listen to them for the second half of the film.

Glenn:

I thought I’d recognized the name Ashley C. Williams from somewhere! She also wrote her own bio on imdb. What a loser.

Laser’s character Dr. Heiter is a leading surgeon specialising in the separation of Siamese twins and is intent on creating the disgusting being of the title. He is utterly frightening and villainous, which has more to do with Laser’s own strange appearance (looking like a cross between a gaunt Armand Assante and a lean, wiry version of Marv from Sin City), than the character he creates.

Ben:

Ha! I totally agree, his appearance may have been unique but his character was a clone of 100 other villains from these ‘torture porn’ movies. Mr. 6’s direction was stereotypical, I laughed so hard when he kills the man (the trucker from the beginning) who’s already being held in his house, then checks his watch before covering the body. This action is seen 20 times a day on television although perhaps Mr. 6 thought it was just what you do, not that it serves any purpose of checking time of death or anything. Yes, he was very similar to Armand Assante, perhaps even with a hint of Christopher Walken and Ian Pringle. Maybe if all these people become a human centipede and then have a baby?... um… too far?

Glenn:

Not far enough, in my humble opinion. And nice spot on the checking the time of death, perhaps that was done to show that he still considers himself a professional? Lame!

Though Laser’s face is enough to unsettle any audience member, his character’s reasons were unclear. Why he’s so into this idea of making a human centipede doesn’t make all that much sense, apart from the Siamese twin thing. Maybe he’s sick and tired of separating things, so now he wants to stitch something together? Anyway, it’s not explained. As mentioned, the process of creating the human centipede is pretty unscientific. In short, directions for use were ‘just stitch that mouth to that asshole’, which makes it even more weird as it makes Heiter seem less like the Frankenstein mad scientist with Godly aspiration that he should have been and more like a guy with a sick fetish. Once he’s created the human centipede, though joyful, he really doesn’t have much for it to do. Apart from having it wander around and trying to train it like a dog, the human centipede is pretty useless.

Ben:

True, there was no explanation of the reason why he was doing it, current and past purpose. There was also no reason why the film was set in Germany, unless of course Mr. 6 has the notion that all German people are evil.

Glenn:

It would appear 6 thinks just that. Remember the German guy who drives passed when the girls have a flat, thinking that they’re pornstars? What a creep! Though unsatisfying on the whole, the special effects were the main part that really disappointed me. The idea of a Human Centipede is chilling and gross, but when witnessing the way it takes place in the film, it just seems stupid, or at least looks that way. The fear I had before watching the film of just how gruesome it was going to be was no where near fully realized. I guess I was expecting a metamorphosis, like in The Fly; progressive, gooey, gross and insectoid. But like I said, it was just ‘stitch that mouth to that asshole and you’re done.’  The climactic moments of the film really did disturbing me though and I couldn’t help but feel the terror the film was trying to impose. What also disturbed me after finishing the film was that I remembered the full title: The Human Centipede: First Sequence, which suggests that there is another one on the way. Hold on to your butts, preferably not with your mouths though, unless you want to be served the shit that this film crammed down my throat.

Pass

Ben:

It was disappointing since the concept is very original. I honestly was engaged for most of the film and simply wanted to know ‘what will happen next’ however there wasn’t anything more than what the title suggests. If the film was made 30 years ago, today it would be an ultimate cult classic although I can see it forgotten about very soon for there is really nothing memorable about the characters or the moments of terror. Cinema Nova in Melbourne will be playing some late night sessions of The Human Centipede soonish so keep your mates posted for an upcoming, interesting evening at the cinema.

Pass