Release: June 24

Running time: 88 minutes

Rating: PG (Infrequent coarse language)

“Hey do you want to see a movie? It’s got Steve Coogan and Keifer Sutherland in it.” Says I.

“Sure, I enjoy Steve’s films and Keifer was good in Lost Boys, who else stars in this fabulous film?” Says you.

“Well the main character is played by Owen Wilson…”

“Ah, ok… anyone else?”

“That chick from Superbad is in it, you know Emma Stone.”

“Yep.”

“and Daymon and Marlon Wayans and Fergie…. Oh and George Lopez from the sitcom George Lopez”

“Sorry, I’m busy.”

“Oh wait, it’s also got Christopher Mintz-Plasse, also from Superbad! Come on, you owe me!”

“Ok fine, I’ll go.”

However after viewing Marmaduke you would probably sever all ties with me and change your name and address.

Tom Dey's (Failure to Launch) Marmaduke follows a Great Dane of the same title who belongs to the Winslow family of Kansas. They move to California because Phil (Lee Pace) lands a job with an organic dog food company run by William H. Macy. Marmaduke’s half brother or something is a cat voiced by George Lopez. Why they have a Mexican cat is unexplained but just go with it. Soon after, Marmaduke is introduced to the dog park which is like ‘highschool’ for dogs.

Marmaduke first appeared in 1954 as a newspaper comic-strip drawn by Brad Anderson. So yes this film was based on a comic strip of the same calibre as Fred Bassett although first mistake they made with this movie is that they didn’t really pick an audience. Surely such a long running newspaper comic-strip has an older demographic of followers but the makers of Marmaduke seem to have disregarded them and attempted to make a kids film (I stress the word ‘attempted’).

Then there are dog parties, surf competitions, and a haphazard array of banal scenes. Whilst all this is going on, Phil is trying to make a new marketing thing for his company and then there is a sinkhole blah blah blah everybody is happy. Sorry for that last bit but recounting this film is like stubbing my toe on Tom Dey’s face.

There aren’t any jokes in Marmaduke but from what I gathered from the comic strip, the movie is very much in step. There were two fart jokes and a reference to drug use that kids won’t get and adults won’t find funny. Some kid behind me laughed once during the film but I think he might have been choking on popcorn. There was a scene where a digitally animated Marmaduke goes on a dance-machine. It was really terrible. I almost cried.

I don’t understand people like Steve Coogan signed-on to this movie since the script alone is expository and generic. The characters are all two-dimensional and they have tried to cram in every cliché invented. The only character with an arc is Phil (Lee Pace) who incidentally was the only good part of the film. Pace’s acting can be described by the saying; ‘when Tom Dey gives you lemons, make lemonade’. Owen Wilson on the other hand plays the exact same character he plays in every movie except for the fact that he is a dog.

If you want to see an entertaining kids film that involves talking animals go and hire Milo & Otis, Homeward Bound or Babe. If you want to torture yourself and have nightmares about a large computer animated dog dance sequence, watch Marmaduke.

Marmaduke opens on Thursday the 24^th along with Toy Story 3. I urge you to take the kids to that instead, for your sake and for theirs.

To put it bluntly, the best bit about this film was my popcorn.

Verdict: Fail

Ryland Summers